


Lost: Friendship Is Magic - Part Two

by deus_ex_machina



Series: Lost: Friendship Is Magic [2]
Category: Lost, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-14
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 04:09:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deus_ex_machina/pseuds/deus_ex_machina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benjamin Linus is told by his boss, Princess Celestia, to make some friends.  Crack fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost: Friendship Is Magic - Part Two

Benjamin Linus was having his usual book club when the message came.

Richard Alpert, his right-hand-man, let out a huge, vile burp that was uncharacteristic of him. Ben wondered for a moment if the delicious ham he had made was giving Richard gastric troubles, but the burp came with sparkles, and from those sparkles, a scroll materialized and fell on the floor.

Ben politely excused himself and went into his office. The scroll was a communication from Princess Celestia. She reported that the crash survivors had made their way to Ponyville and he needed to make their acquaintance. Well, more than acquaintance. The exact wording was, “make some friends.”

Ben scratched his head and sighed. He had been living among the ponies since he was a teenager and fled the Dharma Initiative and his abusive alcoholic father to the only real family he'd ever known. He loved the ponies. He had come to hate and despise the human race, and when he began working for Princess Celestia and became the Mayor of Ponyville he wondered if this island, Equestria, could be used to conquer humanity and make it bend to his will, make it pay for their crimes.

And now, Princess Celestia wanted Ben to make some human friends.

Ben didn't want friends. It was safe to keep everyone at a distance. More to the point, he wasn't giving away any of his personal power. And Ben liked power.

This was also the worst possible timing for bothering with humans. There had been more appearances of the smoke monster, and the Summer Sun Celebration was coming up and Ben had preparations underway. Couldn't Princess Celestia just... do _unicorn magic_ and send the crash survivors back home?

Ben shook his head with disgust, crumpled up the scroll, and aimed for the wastebasket. He missed.

Richard came in, and picked up the crumpled scroll. Before Ben could lie and tell him it was confidential, Richard read the scroll, and then nodded. “I agree with Her Highness,” Richard said. “You need to be around other humans.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I don't need friends,” he grumbled.

“Everyone needs friends,” Richard said. “Even you.”

“But you're my... frrrr... uh.” Ben couldn't even say “friend” to Richard. They had known each other how long? He had helped him escape the Dharma people, and hadn't aged a day since then, and probably even before then. And Ben couldn't call Richard a “friend”. Ben hung his head, deeply ashamed, and ashamed of himself for being ashamed.

Richard nodded knowingly, and patted Ben on the shoulder. “It's OK,” he said. “The first step to fixing the problem is admitting you have one.”

“I don't have a problem,” Ben whined.

“Yeah, you do,” Richard said, “and you just admitted to it. Now come on.” He gestured for Ben to get up out of his chair. “The crash survivors are in downtown Ponyville right now.”

“I don't want to go,” Ben said, defiantly. Richard was reminded of the young teenage boy who was willing to defy the Dharma Initiative and start war, all those years ago. But Ben had to do this for his own good.

“Come on, Ben,” Richard said, yanking Ben up by his shirt-tails. Ben rolled his eyes and sighed, much like a teenage boy being asked to clean his room. “There we go.”

Ben came out to the living room and told Cheerilee to finish the book club meeting without him, and there was plenty of coffee and snacks for those who wanted it. “But don't eat me out of house and home,” Ben said, “and if Pinkie Pie comes by here, you let her know she owes me a cake.” He waved goodbye to the ponies and departed with Richard past the camp where he and some of the ponies lived in a row of houses rather like a suburban neighborhood, into the heart of Ponyville.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie was introducing Kate to Mr and Mrs Cake, and letting her sample the best that the Sugarcube Confectionary had to offer. Rainbow Dash flew around the shop, hovering here and there like a hummingbird. The other crash survivors had followed Kate, and were hanging about uneasily. Sawyer had another cupcake, wishing he had a beer to wash it down with. Jack had a piece of carrot cake and a glass of milk. Sayid was pacing around nervously, not trusting anything he saw, convinced this was all a trap. Locke was asking Mr and Mrs Cake everything they knew about the island and the ponies.

“We really have to get back to work, Mr Locke,” Mrs Cake said, after the fiftieth question or so.

“But,” Locke said, “I need to know more. I need to find my destiny.”

Mrs Cake patted Locke on the head. “You will,” she said, not knowing what else to say. Locke's eyes pleaded with her as she turned around and went back to her business.

At this point, some customers arrived, although they were less interested in cake and more interested in where their friends Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had gotten off to. “You seen Apple Bloom?” Applejack said, looking around the shop.

“She was selling apples,” Rainbow Dash said, “hanging out with that pipsqueak.”

“Oh Dash,” Pinkie Pie said, “Scootaloo adores you.”

“Psshhht,” Rainbow Dash said, waving her hoof and snickering. “Whatever, Pinkie.”

Applejack – an orange pony with a blonde mane and tail, wearing a stetson hat – was accompanied by a yellow pegasus with pink hair, who approached the crash survivors nervously, hanging her head. Kate smiled at the timid yellow pegasus. “Hi,” Kate said.

The pegasus mumbled.

“I'm Kate,” Kate said, making eye contact with the yellow pegasus. The pegasus made a whimpering noise and took a couple steps back.

“Oh Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said, “they're not gonna bite.” Rainbow Dash was hovering behind Sawyer's shoulder, and flicked Sawyer in the nose with her tail. “Except maybe this one, Son of a Bitch.”

“That is not my goddamn name already, Rainbow Butt,” Sawyer said, and pulled Rainbow Dash's tail, making her crash to the floor.

“Now what the hay do you think you're doing there, sugarcube,” Applejack snarled, storming up to Sawyer. “Nopony treats my friend like that.”

“Yeah, well nobody puts their, pptt,” Sawyer spat, “ _tail_ in my face like that. I don't know where that tail has been.”

“We don't know where _your_ tail has been,” Applejack said.

Kate giggled.

Sawyer glared daggers at Kate and then smirked at Applejack. “Oh I see now, Apples. You think you own this place, don't you? Well I got news for you. We crashed here. There's a new sheriff in town. Where I come from, we tame hosses. And we ride 'em. So unless you want me to lasso you, I suggest you step back real nice and easy now.”

That was the wrong thing to say to Applejack, who had a very large farm and regularly herded cattle, roping wayward beasts with a lasso on a regular basis. Applejack produced a lasso and before Sawyer could speak, Applejack had him hog-tied on the floor. Kate squealed and clapped, and Applejack took a bow.

“You got a real perdy mouth there, boy,” Applejack told him, coming up close.

Before anything else could happen, the Mayor of Ponyville stepped into the store with his assistant. Pinkie Pie squealed and jumped up and down happily. “Oh BOY! There's so many people here now, we should have A PARTY! THAT WOULD BE REALLY EXCITING, DON'T YOU THINK? I AM REALLY EXCITED! A PARTY WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN!”

Ben frowned. He didn't know how to politely tell Pinkie Pie to shut up, so he just approached the crash survivors. “Hello,” he said. “My name is Benjamin Linus, and I have lived on this island all of my life.”

“Wow,” Locke said, cake falling out of his mouth.

Sayid glared at Benjamin Linus. “Perhaps you know a way off of this island, then?”

“Who said anything about getting off?” Ben smiled. “You were all sent here by Princess Celestia.”

“Really?” Jack glared. “I hope then this Princess Celestia knows she's a murderer. We got here via a plane crash, and a lot of people _died_.”

Ben shrugged. Attempting to appeal to Ben's morality was not the best way to go, since he'd killed plenty of people at Princess Celestia's behest, and even some for his own private reasons. “Who died is not our concern. Who lived, is.” He produced a piece of paper from his pocket, and said, “I was given a list. I see there are only five of you here. I have one other name on this list. Where is... Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes?”

“He's back at camp,” Jack said, and then he shook his head, ran his hands over his face, and clicked his tongue in disgust. He couldn't believe he just divulged that information to an absolute stranger and someone who seemed to think the massive loss of life in the plane crash was just collateral damage to shrug at. “Why... why do you need Hurley?”

“I don't need Hurley,” Ben said, “however, Princess Celestia wishes to meet you and I am required to bring all six of you to her.”

“We're not going anywhere with you,” Sayid spat.

“Speak for yourself,” Locke said to Sayid. “Do you have answers about the island?” he said, turning to Ben with wide eyes.

“I do,” Ben said. “This is a very special place, and you are very special people for being chosen to come here.” Ben was of course lying out his ass about the latter; Ben didn't think these people were special at all and he resented that Princess Celestia was dragging him away from his time with the ponies and his daughter and his hobbies and interests for this ragtag bunch of... whatever they were. Although the brunette woman was nice-looking, and he smiled at her, charmed by her genuine smile back.

Before the conversation could go further, they were interrupted by “WAAAAAAAAAAAALT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!” Michael barged into the shop, looking around.

“My boy isn't here, is he?”

“A boy came in a little while ago looking for his dog and I felt bad for him and gave him some cake,” Mr Cake said, “but he's not here anymore, sir, sorry.”

Michael gestured to the other crash survivors, looking frustrated. “Help me find my boy!”

“We're kind of busy right now,” Ben told him.

Michael glared at Ben and then said to Jack, “Who the hell is this?”

Jack shrugged. “Damned if I know.”

“Great,” Michael said, and walked out of the shop. “WAAAAAAAAAALT!”

“So,” Ben said, “shall we proceed?”

“To where,” Jack said, staying firmly planted in his seat.

“You're going to take us to collect Hurley, and then we're bringing you to Princess Celestia. It's quite an honor. She'll be very happy to meet you.” Ben smiled.

“I'm not going anywhere,” Jack said.

“Neither am I,” Sayid said.

“I can't go anydamnwhere hog-tied on the floor like this,” Sawyer growled. “Let me outta these ropes!”

Applejack snickered at Sawyer and then said, “I have a couple other ropes if you need 'em, Ben.”

“Thank you, Applejack, but I don't think that will be necessary,” Ben said. He had been observing the scene and knew how to work the dynamics in place. He pointed at Kate and Locke. “You both know where Hurley is, you can take me to him. The rest of you can stay here with Pinkie Pie and the others.”

“THEN WE CAN HAVE A PARTY!” Pinkie Pie squealed, bouncing up and down. “OH BOY, THIS IS SO EXCITING!”

Jack considered the options – letting Kate wander through the jungle with this strange man who claimed to spend his entire life surrounded by these even stranger talking ponies, or staying here with the obnoxious pink horse screaming about parties – and he said, “Wait, I'll go with you.”

“Jack, no,” Sayid said. “It's a trap.”

“Sayid,” Jack said, “if this is a trap, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. You can come with me or stay here, but I'm... not staying here.” He looked around at the ponies, and shook his head.

Sayid sighed and cursed under his breath. “I will come with you, but if anything out of the ordinary happens...” Then realizing what he just said, and that this entire experience had been “anything out of the ordinary”, he looked down sheepishly.

“Excellent,” Ben said. “We'll be back before nightfall. Pinkie Pie, maybe it would be better to send the Princess a telegram and request her presence here, rather than have me go to her.” The sooner he could pretend he had made best friends with these people and get them out of his hair, the better.

“OKY-DOKY, BENRY!” Pinkie Pie chirped. Ben rolled his eyes. He hated being called that.

“HEY! HEY!” Sawyer screamed as Jack, Kate, Sayid, and Locke went out the door with Ben and Richard, and without him, as he was still tied up on the floor. “Don't leave me alone here with these damn ponies!”

“What's the problem?” Applejack leered at him. “You were talkin' real big a little while ago. You scared, boy?”

“Hell naw I ain't scared of you,” Sawyer growled at Applejack. _Well, maybe just a little._

Applejack climbed onto Sawyer's back and pretended to ride him like a pony. “Yee-haw!”

“Son of a _bitch_ ,” Sawyer muttered.


End file.
